To go straight to the house, where she might meet Alexey Alexandrovitch, that she felt she had no right to do.

She might be refused admittance and insulted.

To write and so enter into relations with her husband--that it made her miserable to think of doing; she could only be at peace when she did not think of her husband.

To get a glimpse of her son out walking, finding out where and when he went out, was not enough for her; she had so looked forward to this meeting, she had so much she must say to him, she so longed to embrace him, to kiss him.

Seryozha's old nurse might be a help to her and show her what to do.